13 Jun Why do kids do this?

Having kids is the best. They are just such a mind-boggling rollercoaster ride. Sometimes you cry because the love you feel for them is too much to cope with. Other times you cry because their stupid behaviour is just too much to cope with. The one thing I have learned about by being a Mum is that it is okay to say that your kids are doing your head in because they are people. There is no one on earth that can spend 24/7 with someone and not get annoyed at times but for some reason people think that admitting that your kids are really grating on you is a big no-no.

Well, Boo you should own it because they can be right dicks. Am I now a bad mother for saying that? I’m going to write a list of the top five things my kids do that piss me off and if you agree with one, some or all of them then welcome to the bad mother club.

1. They never stop being gross.
They pick their nose then either wipe it on the sofa, themselves or eat it. WHY???? Babes, that is dried snot that is clinging to your nose full of germs and dust why the fuck are you putting it in your mouth?

2. A flush is an invisible object.
I am so sick of walking into my bathroom and finding a wee or poo in my toilet. My kids know how to use a toilet, I trained them, and I flush every single time I go. Yet for some reason whenever I hear that bathroom door close and then open I must shout “Flush” and their feet quickly scarper back into the bathroom and I hear the flush go.

3. They just cannot eat properly.
I think I could start a pea company the amount that I have collected off the floor from the constant spillage that my two dears do. If they aren’t dropping food, they are covered in it my eldest (12 years) managed to get pasta sauce ON HER FOREHEAD the other day! I don’t even know how this happens.

4. They always want to do the opposite.
Sometimes, I must turn the tv off and chuck a book at them then on the days I feel shitty and just want to curl up and watch a Disney is the day the want to play 5 a side in the garden, followed by a dance show, followed by baking three different cakes. You take them to the park they want to go to the beach. You give them blackcurrant squash they suddenly fancy an orange squash. They ask you to take them clothes shopping then within ten minutes they ask if we can go to the cinema instead. So just resign yourself to the fact that 9 out of 10 times you made the wrong decision.

5. You can’t ever pee in peace.
They haven’t moved for ages. They are completely and utterly engrossed in what they are doing but then an alarm goes off in their head. An alarm that no adult can hear. It’s the internal alarm that goes off when you close the bathroom door. As soon as you have unbuttoned and planted your arse on that toilet seat then they suddenly need to know the meaning of life or their toy is broken and needs to be fixed RIGHT NOW. They need a drink, they need a plaster, they need the trousers with the stars and glittery bits that hasn’t fit them since they were two. Every single thought they have appears that very second you go to pee. They can’t wait for you to finish they talk to you through the door they constantly try to open it and the words “Ill be with you in a minute” means nothing to those angels of yours.

They are the things that get right under my skin with my kiddies and I’m sure I am not alone, but it felt good to vent. I’m totally going to give them a little kiss though before I go to bed,
they’re annoying but they’re cute.