23 Apr Ponderings through the pandemic

This pandemic is a barrel of laughs isn’t it? I mean, what the actual fuck is going on? I am still in constant bafflement even though it is now day 10987. I am furloughed from my main job and my second job that I had only just started has gone a bit tits up. We are a large family of instructors and we are trying to make things fair to move our classes online but we are being constantly scuppered by music copyright and little rules that no one could foresee as dance fitness classes online is a whole new business.
Yet, as frustrating as this is, I am so lucky. I am at home, safe and healthy with my family. I am getting to spend time with my children that I have never had before. I have always worked albeit part time but I have never had 7 days a week with them and not with both of them. Home-schooling is a new venture which is exciting and frustrating at the same time. We must learn to respect each other’s boundaries and there is a lot of learning taking place each day.
Now we are in full swing of this crazy time I thought I would share some things with you

1. It is absolutely okay to do nothing.
We (hopefully) will never get this time again. We all lead busy lives. I often say I would kill for a day where we could just sit around in my pants and watch crap. I will not be made to feel guilty for this. I mean I can’t sit in my pants because the kids think its gross but I have watched at least four episodes back to back of Ramsey’s Kitchen nightmares and then gone upstairs and sat on my bed and doing some excellent thinking.

2. It is absolutely okay to do everything
In the same way that its alright to sit on your arse it is also okay to knacker yourself out by pulling out the fridge to clean behind it, to use an old toothbrush to meticulously get right into the grooves in the bathroom, to Marie Kondo your clothes. Whatever gets you through the day is good. You can document it I personally love seeing everything that everyone is getting up to because it feels like I’m connected to you all, however mundane you may think it is. Whilst cleaning your kitchen you could also do impressions of Gordon Ramsey “This place is disgusting; you serve food from here? You disgusting pig!”

3. Do some exercise
It’s cliché and I hate that its true because I hate exercising but it does make you feel better. I know, what about what I said about sitting in your pants? Trust me I would rather be doing that but I went for a run just like every other fucker is doing BUT I felt good for it. I’m sorry. Its those endorphins they really do rise when you are moving, who knew (all those fitness people appaz) I have spent the last year dancing my ass of and it turns out I can feel just as good doing a run or some yoga even some jumping on the kids trampoline. There is LOADS of online classes now so you can literally try anything you like from doing Joe wicks PE in the morning to sexy heel classes, learn tap dancing, home HIIT, butt work outs for that dream peach ass everyone wants, whatever you want its right there and it makes you happy.

4. Eat
Eat whatever the fuck you fancy. One day I had a giant salad it was delicious and I didn’t smother it in dressing it was clean AF the next day I ate two Easter eggs. Not like crème eggs like the actual massive eggs. Two. By myself and you know what I had the time of my life doing it. This also goes for drinking. Day time gin – why the hell not? I did a quiz with my mates and drank a bottle of gin one small bottle of prosecco and half a normal bottle of prosecco to myself. Sure, I felt like actual death the next day but I still had a gin about 4pm because yolo. Right now, it’s kinda like Christmas. Indulge and just don’t feel guilty for it. I have put on just under half a stone since this started. Last night I had a crisis about it but I know it’ll come off again and now is the time to get adventurous cook the stuff that takes four hours. Coming up with what shit can I bung together to make a meal out of is a great game to play. Get the kids involved if you have them tach your other half to cook if they can’t and if you have them. Food is your friend always.

5. If you are home-schooling, don’t stress.
You know the PTA mums are there doing incredible crafts, following the curriculum getting all the work set on google classroom done, my kids? They are doing stuff and they aren’t. My eldest is 14 and doing her GCSE work so she is cracking on but my 9-year-old there is all sorts of shit going on. Colouring, reading, painting, watching a lot of horrible histories. There is stuff everywhere for them to learn and have fun and you don’t need to stress yourself out with getting them to do a full days’ worth of work and for you to suddenly become a teacher. The other day she was on facetime with her mate for four hours and they were playing Roblox together. Whilst I wouldn’t usually allow this, that amount of screen time is ridiculous, she needs social interaction. I am missing my friends so I can’t even begin to fathom what this must feel like to children. Could you imagine being locked up with your parents at 14 years old? THE ABSOLUTE END OFG THE FUCKING WORLD.

6. Masturbate
Oh my god, is she really talking about this? Yes Hun, I am. We are human and we have needs. I masturbate and want to know something else? SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE. If you don’t well babes now is the time. I am open with my sexuality because it shouldn’t be taboo. I don’t sit around talking about the ins and outs of it although I am happy to because its not something to be embarrassed about. Masturbation is such a powerful way to explore what you want. If I hadn’t explored my body and found out what I liked and didn’t like my sex life would be vanilla as fuck and no one wants vanilla sex. This is also why masturbation is great because it helps with sex which is also brilliant. Its an awesome way to connect with yourself, your partner. It helps with exercise, the cals you burn whilst you bump uglies is ridic. You can have a nap afterwards; you can get all the snacks after its literally the best time passer for right now.

7. Make sure you are spending quality time on yourself.
The old self love paragraph. There are four of us in the house. We are so incredibly lucky that my kids have their own room we have a dining room and lounge and a big back garden, we have the space to be alone if we need it. It does seem that when my husband is having alone time (probably wanking) the kids respect it but when I want alone time (to wank) I get 50,000 Mums shouted at me. I didn’t realise that a 14-year-old is incapable of getting themselves a drink, did you know this? I was having a bath the other night, face mask, candles, Harry Styles playing and just started sinking into my book when my 9 year old needed to come in for a shit and it was also important that I watch this youtuber pranking his brother. It’s hard but it is so important. Whatever it is you do that makes you feel calm and rested and is just for you do it and do it every single day. It is not selfish, it is needed.

8. Every single feeling you feel is valid.
What a rollercoaster right? I can feel all the feelings in the entire world just in one day. Scared, confused, happy, sad, angry, hyper, mopey, energised everything. Whatever mood you are feeling right now it is okay, in the same way that whoever you are with they need to feel what they are feeling. Considering I have high anxiety most of the time I have been pretty chill, I have been feeling more low mood than anxious. My husband however has had a spike in anxiety to the point where he spent an entire day in bed and manic. I left him to feel those feelings. He needed the time to take it in and process it in whatever way suited him. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this but we all have to try and respect the feelings of others.

9. Crying is the actual best.
Come on now, let’s not act all tough, everyone in the entire world cries. Some cry more than others (me) some can let a few tears fall and feel better some need open mouth, hysterical noises dramatically holding a pillow (me) those tears need to come out because – THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY SCARY. There I said it. I am scared and I know that you are too. This virus can literally hit anyone and take them away from us. That is scary as fuck. Getting those tears out makes you feel better. You are literally washing away your doubts, fears etc all those neggy vibes, gone. If it makes you feel better for 10 minutes or 10 days whatever just get them out and don’t be embarrassed about it.

10. This won’t last forever.
We will be back together soon doing the stuff that we used to do and before you even know it, we’ll be at the pub and going “So Coronavirus, that was a bit mental huh?” They’ll be teaching it in history lessons in school one day – how insane is that? We will get through this; we are resilient little fucks. Look at the older generations getting through the war. All the natural disasters that have happened around the world and we healed. We got through it and have thrived in new ways. Seeing how Mother Nature is healing is an incentive to make us realise we don’t need to do all the things we do as often. We need to scale things back because time together is what’s important. All this crap that we have we don’t need it. It is so insignificant. I hope we take this on board and lead a simpler life. I hope we walk more and drive only when absolutely needed. I hope we buy what we need, I hope we become less greedy, I hope we treat each other more kindly, I hope our government realises that all those people the Tories look down on are the backbone of our country and without them we would crumble. Mostly I hope that every time I am with someone I love; a simple hug is never taken for granted ever again.

Stay safe, stay home, stay awesome.